Monday, March 5, 2012

Jesus is My Co-Pilot


You've seen it on the bumper stickers of mini-vans and SUV's of soccer moms to the worn out Buicks of elderly Church Ladies.  They all claim Jesus as their co-pilot and I never even gave it a second thought really, until somebody made a stupid comment I think in jest, at least I hope so, that if we hadn't had so many alternative stickers on our vehicle and so many "colored" people inside we wouldn't have been hastled the other night by the police.

Here's the breakdown:

On the way home from the airport from picking up our daughter who is Black, Himself was pulled over.  In reality he had lost the game I play called "How long can I go without paying my licesening fee."  Actually, the fee had been paid and the sticker had not yet been put on.  So really it wasn't a big deal, until Himself couldn't find his way around my car.

Spilling paper and sundries out of my glovebox trying to find the registration (which btw, was right on top...just sayin...) out came everything but the kitchen sink into our daughters lap.  The real problem began when the female cop on her side of the car tapped on the window demanding to know what caplets were in the sandwich baggie. 

Okay, here's something about me.  I have everything in my car.  I mean everything, I have every first aid item ever needed and a lot nobody ever needs.  i have napkins and toilet paper and gas x, I have dramamine and oxygen (got that last time we went to Colorado) It's not a mess.  I know where and what everything is, but others could find it confusing as it's stuffed in all kinds of little drawers.

So the cop ( who was charactorized by Himself as a "rookie")  was on that baggie.  Baggies and caplets must be bad stuff right?  Especially apparently when they are in the lap of a young black woman who's with an older white male...who claims to be her dad. 

Well, Himself explains "they are some herbal stuff my wife has, probably, it's her car, yada yada."  Apparently that was the wrong thing to say, Herbal stuff is now code for something that requires a pat down.  It was in fact Colon Cleanse, super Colon Cleanse to be exact.  I told them later it would have been funny if they were dragged in and made to wait just to get an apologie about their backed up colons.  They didn't share my humor. 

They did manage to explain that "see, it doesn't smell,, see we aren't drunk or high and we are exactly  5 blocks from home and see the car is registered and got on their way." 

Now was this racial profiling?  I don't know.  It could have been an overzealous rookie.  It's been known to happen and they completely missed other questionable stuff that was in there as well. (not illegal mind, just more questionable than colon cleanse)

Anyhoo, it was suggested by some insensitive stupid person that if Jesus had been their co-pilot none of that would happen.  So I decided today on the return trip to do just that and made a paper Jesus and brought him along.  The rules were, no speed limit, as many colors of the rainbow as we could get in the van and offensive music.  Oh and a lot of questionable stuff stuffed in the glove box, hideyholes etc. 

So Jesus went on road trip with us.  It turns out Jesus while not judgemental in the least bit is pretty mouthy and has the sense of humor of a sixth grader.  Also, his musical tastes are those of an insane person, one minute he wanted glee covers and the next we were listening to Ice Cube, go figure...Jesus says Ice Cube is his homey....I asked how that could be, I'm pretty sure Ice Cube is riding with Muhammed.  But Jesus doesn't make those distinctions.  He says he knew him back in the day...and Muhammed too so they are all chill or whatever. 

I got tired of Glee covers way before Jesus did which led to him calling me intollerant.  Which led to an arguement and some swerving but guess what, even though we swerved right in front of cops it's true, Jesus was our co-pilot and we did not get pulled over. Yay!

So, Jesus got tired and cranky towards the end.  You can see it in his face in my pictures on Facebook.  Weird huh?  I didn't know he could look tired. 

I did ask  him about those bumper stickers.  To which he answered: "A bumper sticker is not a guarantee of my presence and actually I usually don't like car rides or people with those stickers."  He added , " You do know you are talking to a paper picture mock-up of me right?" 

Of course I did, but it was fun to ride with him anyway. 

He also said that in our town yes, it was racial profiling definately also it was anti-hippie profiling.  The herbal remedies mixed with our co-exist and peace and hamony stickers were like red flags for cops especially in the middle of the night when they were bored.  So be careful out there with your psyllium hulls and goldenseal or what have you. 

Or at least have a sense of humor. 

Jesus really recommends a sense of humor.