Or maybe just not mine.
Actually I know you do you just don't comment. Is it because you have nothing to say? Or because you're thinking...hmmm?
Anyway, I noticed when I took my blog from social networking sites interaction on my blog-ishness dropped. I'm a little sad about that, I liked hearing from people and yet, the places I was before like Multiply, just became abandoned...ghost towns, castle gardens with aeolian harps.
"There is this thing that's like Talking except you don't Talk."- The Dresden Dolls
It's been a strange week. Winter finally set in which I love. I truly do it makes me feel warm and cozy. It makes me want to bake and cook and create. It makes me dream. Real dreams that must be saved for stories.
For some people it seems, it's harder and this week was like that. As soon as the rain started the phone did to and in my real time life I found my time consumed with people who needed things. Someone to talk to, a hand to grab so they wouldn't drown, sick people...all of that.
It's not that I mind. I just find it strange that just when I am feeling cheerful so many are not.
And it made me sad a bit.
I found myself shoring up my shoulders a lot this week which while great and good ended up wearing me down, it was unexpected, this outpouring of need.
Here's the thing...
I think people feel this way all or most of the time nowadays. It just seems like it's harder to get by. I find it hard to get by too. A lot of people aren't ready to be in a world changing.
Do you remember your grandparents talking about the prices of things and "How things used to be." ? We may be the first generation that has experienced that in our own prime. Or maybe it's just noticeable to us because we are living it, I don't know....Maybe.
I was told a story of my Grandfather who when about 40 suffered some depression. He went into Lassen National Forrest for a month and explored. He took the family but everyday he left camp and while my Great-Grandmum looked after the family letting his wife, my Grandmum know it would be okay. He went into the forest to find himself again.
The kids, my mum and uncles remember this a great time, they played and explored too. My Grandmum who was one of the people who told me of it, was greatly afraid her husband would not come out of it. Hence the soothing of her mother-in-law. She knew, men ( and women too) need time in places that heal them.
He came out that summer healed and never was that bad again. He was pragmatic yes, but not depressed. He ever after looked, really looked for good things.
At least that's what I remember.
Now I tell all of this because I think we do not go out into the forest enough today. We do not take time for ourselves. We have veryvery IMPORTANT things to do! We think.
We have appointments, people need us, we cannot get away from our jobs because then how would things run? We have family obligations and community ones too.
All these things tend to fuck up our lives because we are going to blow. Bet on it. Usually we end up doing it in ways that are destructive to us and the ones we love. We cheat. Sexually yes, but not just that, we cheat each other and ourselves of time, money and each other.
We do all this and we don't take the necessary time to just care for ourselves. I didn't mention it but my Grandfather ran a ranch at the time. Ranches are just like all the other high pressure jobs out there, you need to be there, you need to do things on time to make a living.
Thankfully his Mum told him to stop, his brothers and hands could manage it.
Anyway whenever I see people struggling for hope, for joy, for release I think of that summer I wasn't alive for but heard so much about. It ultimately helped my family all move forward. Everyone got something good and precious out of it.
Take time when you are down.
Remember, " There is thing keeping everyone's lungs and lips locked
It is called fear and it's seeing a great renaissance."-The Dresden Dolls
Don't be afraid . Embrace what you need. Even if just for the length of a song. Just.....Sing.