Kid President, Doing a better job than the current one.

I was shocked that people spend over $600,000.00 on Candy Crush. WTF?!!?? How do you even spend money on that. Everyone of you playing Candy Crush had better donate a sack of Target Socks to the Homeless, I mean it! I can see you inviting me to Candy Crush people!!! Go buy Socks! It's #socktober.

Krampus, He's The Lord of Yule, but you don't have to save this one until Yuletide.

Krampus: The Yule Lord by Brom
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

This book was a gem, the sort that you come across on accident;or at least I did.  Browsing through our library I was lucky to find some good soul donated it.

A perfect fable set around Yuletide/Christmas-y stories but by no means relegated to that time of year.  Brom very cleverly plays of Norse inspired stories to make an entirely new persona for Krampus, the mythological god you don't know as much about that came before dear Santy Claus.

Also enjoyable was the wonderful illustrating done by Brom which made me search out more of his work.  I love his storytelling both in written word and in inked out characters.  I cannot wait to find more Brom-ish bits.

From now on we shall be putting out treats and shoes thanks to Brom, sounds more fun anyway for our Heathen-ish selves.


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Of Gin and Juniper

Today, I found myself having the most engaging loose association rant in my head.  It was, I think,  influenced highly by the smell of Gin and Juniper berries.

No, I wasn't drinking some hip cocktail, I was in the shower.  Not that the two are mutually exclusive, as I type this, I see that...But instead it was a smell created by LUSH. (again, I suppose I should explain, not the smell of myself as a lush, in the shower, but rather the soap making company).  I  had bought on 2 for 1, their "punch" soap.  Making sense yet?

It shouldn't, it doesn't to me, but as it was very pungent I began, naturally, to think on Atheism and God and In-between things.  Honestly some of those thoughts must have gone down the drain with the smell of gin and  juniper.  But, what did stay with me was this and it makes entirely no sense until later, when it only really makes marginal sense, but stay with me.

Your atheist friends and your 'believer' friends will have you believe, if you call yourself Agnostic that you claiming the religious equivalent of calling yourself 'bi-sexual'.  Nobody wants to believe it.  They think you are merely in transition to one of the two sides.  Even when you really are 'bi' if you happen to settle into a dating relationship with one or the other side, you get the whispers of "I knew it."

As a side note.  I really don't understand this need for people to demand others to 'come-out'.  I really thought the idea of 'being who you are' was that you could do just that.  And if you don't want to scream your identity or think it does or should define you, that should be okay.  Which is why it was with mixed feelings I heard about Jodi Foster this week.  I do not care who she loves.  It's been pretty clear she is private and it was pretty clear for a long time she liked ladies.  I don't get people who wanted and needed her to 'come-out'.  She was happy, leave it at that.  Which is basically what she said.  But.  Having to say that just to acknowledge her partner kinda defeats the purpose, no?

Anyway... You know who is Agnostic?  Fox Mulder. Agent Mulder is the perfect example of an agnostic.  He wants to believe. But that doesn't stop him from looking for evidence.  He even concedes that sometimes his ideas are ridiculous.  Not often, but it happens.

Which brings me to my next deduction.  I'm sure this is not what Chris Carter had in mind at all, but I don't care because I think it makes everything better.  And, I really hope I'm not the only one who has come to this conclusion. (Otherwise, I am going to have to check the alcohol content in that soap and/or order more.)

I believe Mulder was the one kidnapped by aliens.  Not his sister. (in the backstory that is.  I am aware he was kidnapped plenty of times)  And this whole entire story is a construct of his psyche, trying to make sense of being a captive of space aliens.  Likely ones with probes and/or a desire to understand why humans make them feel all gleebed out.

It really makes so much more sense.  This unwavering need to believe in a story.  And it has a better twist than other theories I've read.  Like, his sister was just kidnapped and he was rendered psychotic.  It also makes sense of the big 'why' question.  As in -why would the FBI keep him?  Even in the basement?  More importantly...why would they give him access to the car pool and the credit cards and guns?

Anyway...Feel free to take that idea and run with it, I'm sure me and my gin soaked soap will come up with more in the weeks to come.

Did I mention the two for one?  

Television so deliciously bad it deserves its own award.

I want to tell you about one of my new favorite awful shows.  I know, why would you want to know about awful television, there is so much of it out there.  But, I am a huge fan of shows that take themselves dead serious and are hilarious because they are so bad.  It's a vice.

This show, I have found so fun to yell and throw things at that I have created an award and rating system just because of it.  The Mystery Science Theatre 3000 award.  This gets it this year.

Now, obviously I know there are probably plenty of geekishly devoted film viewers out there that have already thought of MST3K awards.  Who cares?  This is mine.

The show in question is in its second season, it's called "The Haunted Collector" and features John Zaffis ( nephew and heir apparent to Ed and Lorraine Warren of  Amityville Horror fame-or infamy) and his crew of sidekicks; or researchers-whatever-it's really not that important when it comes to entertainment value.

This gem airs on SYFY channel where you go to "Imagine Greater".  The premise is:  "Objects can hold energy and that energy can be used by ghost to haunt you."  Also Zaffis is happy to take these objects off your hands (for free) and put them in his Haunted Museum and charge a fee to show them to people.

On to the things I love about the show.

1. John Zaffis- John is from Connecticut and he has that Connecticut accent that just makes me smile.  It reminds me of my father-in-law who also hails from there and says ridiculous things just like Zaffis.  Must be something in the water.

2. Zaffis pretends to know nothing about antiques although he has been at this for over 30 years, so he always knows a "guy" in whatever town who he takes the supposed haunted items to for verification.  It's a fun betting/drinking game to just shout out what the obvious items are that Zaffis somehow can't figure out.

3. The research team.  They are so jumpy and reactive it's a hoot.  And unlike other teams, or at least shows featuring teams, they never finish anything.  Someone always freaks out and calls everyone to whatever room they are in.  There is one exception.  The lone seemingly reasonable person on the team is Zaffis' "tech guy" Brian who seems to be the only person who takes the time to debunk seriously obvious things like lights from traffic.

4. The pitch- Whensoever an antique is found Zaffis always gives the same line. "Could this be what's causing the spirit activity?  We'll never know....But I'll be happy to take this out of your house for you."  Hahahaha!  We'll never know!! At least he's kinda honest.

5. Whenever Zaffis cannot find an artifact to take home to his museum he never offers any other advise.  At least not on camera.  He quite literally tells the families/owners that they are on their own.  Geez Thanks John  -we were on our own before we payed for your travel expenses.

6. About 90% of the locations visited are businesses like taverns, casinos, B&B's, etc.  whose names are so prominently placed, so many times it's clear the only reason for calling in a ghost hunting team is to get their name on television and attract the crowds that like to go to those types of places.  The funniest example of this was one done at an off the strip Las Vegas Casino in which not only the Casino and its history were prominently featured, so was an aging "famous" Drag Queen. Win-Win!

7.  The Tech-Stuff.- The Tech stuff this team uses is silly-funny.  My favorite is the very controversial "Ghost Box" which works on AM radio waves that rapidly cycle until some sort of word comes through.  Good Googly-Moogly!  If AM or even FM white noise were an indication of Ghostly presence then I was haunted most of my childhood. ( I really wasn't) because living in the country trying to get a radio signal in the 70's and 80's brought up all kinds of weird noises, sounds and yes; even words.

But despite all of that I still have tremendous fun watching this show.  The whole gang tries to be the first to pick which item Zaffis will liberate and recites on cue "Is this what's causing the problem?...We'll never know."

Thanks John.

Rattling About In My Head.

So today, I find myself with some downtime, which doesn't happen often so I have time to think about all the posts and links I've read over the last few days and there are some things that are bothering me. 

First off, be warned, I'm a bit edgy this week.  I just submersed myself in Denis Leary land, and even though the book he wrote came out like 4 years ago and I have heard most of it, I just feel comfortable with his communication.  It's the type of home communication I wish I had, which I don't know, likely says a lot about me. 

Anyway.  First thing:

Last night we were out walking the beagle.  Her name is Sculley.  I named her that because I love shouting "SCULLEY!!!" Just like Agent Mulder did in X-files. 

When we walk her off the leash it has to be in wide open areas because she is a beagle and while she is fat and well loved, she will run for hours after jackrabbits and stuff, so we have to have time to walk while she tires herself out so we actually get her back.  Last night we walked along the levy close to where we live. 

It's dry and grassy and snakes, jackrabbits, coyotes, etc. live there.  She loves it.  Now, we came upon this couple who we do not know, who decided we were really bad dog owners letting her run free.  They chastised us.  Really.  Like a school marm or a Nun or something about how they had heard from a friend of a neighbor or something that rattlesnakes are out and killing dogs. 

Seriously.  They said that. 

I have yet to see a rattlesnake purposefully kill a dog, but whatever.

So, I calmly asked, "Have you seen any rattlesnakes tonight?"

Which I thought was pertinent as why the fuck would I want to know about supposed dog-hunting rattlesnakes?  But if they just saw one...yeah that's kinda important. 

No, no they hadn't.  They gave us the stink eye and continued on.  They probably talked about what bad pet owners we were.  We talked about natural selection and if a dog wasn't smart enough to get out of the way of a snake that actually warns big things before attacking then they are probably best left out of the chain of life. 

But that's just me,  I realize that some of the 3 people who read this may actually be scandalized but I do not care.  Animals are not stupid and will not go after things that are clearly warning them.  Humans are stupid. 

And just so everyone is clear, Rattlesnakes do not want to attack humans, dogs, bears, etc. They know they are too big and a last ditch attack will drain their venom, hence the warning rattle.  Nature is beautiful. 

We did see a California King Snake which actually eats Rattlesnakes so we felt pretty good about that.

Yesterday I read a link several people posted about a woman being bullied on a school bus.  Her job was to "monitor the kids."  It was in fact terribly mean.  But I couldn't help wondering about a couple of things. 

Who on earth thought this elderly lady was the right one to monitor their shitty behavior?  She did absolutely nothing (not that I blame her) she was obviously ill-prepared for the job. 

And what the hell is up with kids.  Bully each other, yeah, I can see that, it's a right of passage and I know this will piss someone off too but most  of what we call "bully" behavior is absolutely normal and will pass.  I know, I'm a ginger.  I got it every year, it went away.  Actually paying attention to it and talking it out makes it worse. 

But we never ever would have talked to an adult never mind an elderly person like that.  It was horrible and every parent of those kids have failed.  I have worked with some pretty fucked up ( that's a clinical term) kids in my life who are absolutely horrible, who wouldn't talk to an elder that way.  This is an absolute failure and is most likely due to parents being assholes to people in front of their kids. 

And is anyone surprised by that?  With the "Me first, customer's always right" attitude we have? 

Punishing the kids in this situation will not work.  The whole screwed up family needs to do some making  up.  It should be required and when they complain (which they will) about missing this or that meeting or their T-time, they should get extra hours.

Finally, there is this acquaintance I have who just came back to social networking for a pop-in.  Apparently this person could no longer handle whiny bitches so they just took off for a time.  Which by the way is the appropriate thing to do.  Why do people start flame wars when they can just shut off the computer and re- watch Buffy re-runs or whatever? 

Anyway, I'm sick of whiny Bitches too.  I call them "Emotional Pirates" or "Emotional Vampires"  depending on what book or movie I'm into just then. 

The point is, getting on-line and telling the world about your menstrual cycle and how bad your kids/husband/partner/dog/imaginary friend/ postal person/sales clerk treats you is so obviously a ploy to get attention.  Especially when you follow it up with something like "I just can't take it, boo-hoo." 

What amazes me is that people respond to this in droves.  It's like a perfect hunting technique for an emotional predator.  "I don't know where I went wrong I can't take it."  then 53 answers of "Hang in there baby." complete with Kitten pictures.

And yet, post something serious about the world like the Julian Assange trial (for or against) or the fact that Israel continues its neocon attack on its neighbors and nothing, nada, zip.  Same with culture.  Give people out of the ordinary music, art or literature and no dice.  But, "I'm out of coffee and my pants are tight and I hate my neighbors who love alternative music."  and 74 responses to cheer you up. 

I hate it.  It's a hijack. 

Anyways that's it, that's what's on my mind.

P.S. If you think I'm talking directly about you (because this has happened before) the answer is probably not, but you should examine why you think that...really.

Really.