Rattling About In My Head.

So today, I find myself with some downtime, which doesn't happen often so I have time to think about all the posts and links I've read over the last few days and there are some things that are bothering me. 

First off, be warned, I'm a bit edgy this week.  I just submersed myself in Denis Leary land, and even though the book he wrote came out like 4 years ago and I have heard most of it, I just feel comfortable with his communication.  It's the type of home communication I wish I had, which I don't know, likely says a lot about me. 

Anyway.  First thing:

Last night we were out walking the beagle.  Her name is Sculley.  I named her that because I love shouting "SCULLEY!!!" Just like Agent Mulder did in X-files. 

When we walk her off the leash it has to be in wide open areas because she is a beagle and while she is fat and well loved, she will run for hours after jackrabbits and stuff, so we have to have time to walk while she tires herself out so we actually get her back.  Last night we walked along the levy close to where we live. 

It's dry and grassy and snakes, jackrabbits, coyotes, etc. live there.  She loves it.  Now, we came upon this couple who we do not know, who decided we were really bad dog owners letting her run free.  They chastised us.  Really.  Like a school marm or a Nun or something about how they had heard from a friend of a neighbor or something that rattlesnakes are out and killing dogs. 

Seriously.  They said that. 

I have yet to see a rattlesnake purposefully kill a dog, but whatever.

So, I calmly asked, "Have you seen any rattlesnakes tonight?"

Which I thought was pertinent as why the fuck would I want to know about supposed dog-hunting rattlesnakes?  But if they just saw one...yeah that's kinda important. 

No, no they hadn't.  They gave us the stink eye and continued on.  They probably talked about what bad pet owners we were.  We talked about natural selection and if a dog wasn't smart enough to get out of the way of a snake that actually warns big things before attacking then they are probably best left out of the chain of life. 

But that's just me,  I realize that some of the 3 people who read this may actually be scandalized but I do not care.  Animals are not stupid and will not go after things that are clearly warning them.  Humans are stupid. 

And just so everyone is clear, Rattlesnakes do not want to attack humans, dogs, bears, etc. They know they are too big and a last ditch attack will drain their venom, hence the warning rattle.  Nature is beautiful. 

We did see a California King Snake which actually eats Rattlesnakes so we felt pretty good about that.

Yesterday I read a link several people posted about a woman being bullied on a school bus.  Her job was to "monitor the kids."  It was in fact terribly mean.  But I couldn't help wondering about a couple of things. 

Who on earth thought this elderly lady was the right one to monitor their shitty behavior?  She did absolutely nothing (not that I blame her) she was obviously ill-prepared for the job. 

And what the hell is up with kids.  Bully each other, yeah, I can see that, it's a right of passage and I know this will piss someone off too but most  of what we call "bully" behavior is absolutely normal and will pass.  I know, I'm a ginger.  I got it every year, it went away.  Actually paying attention to it and talking it out makes it worse. 

But we never ever would have talked to an adult never mind an elderly person like that.  It was horrible and every parent of those kids have failed.  I have worked with some pretty fucked up ( that's a clinical term) kids in my life who are absolutely horrible, who wouldn't talk to an elder that way.  This is an absolute failure and is most likely due to parents being assholes to people in front of their kids. 

And is anyone surprised by that?  With the "Me first, customer's always right" attitude we have? 

Punishing the kids in this situation will not work.  The whole screwed up family needs to do some making  up.  It should be required and when they complain (which they will) about missing this or that meeting or their T-time, they should get extra hours.

Finally, there is this acquaintance I have who just came back to social networking for a pop-in.  Apparently this person could no longer handle whiny bitches so they just took off for a time.  Which by the way is the appropriate thing to do.  Why do people start flame wars when they can just shut off the computer and re- watch Buffy re-runs or whatever? 

Anyway, I'm sick of whiny Bitches too.  I call them "Emotional Pirates" or "Emotional Vampires"  depending on what book or movie I'm into just then. 

The point is, getting on-line and telling the world about your menstrual cycle and how bad your kids/husband/partner/dog/imaginary friend/ postal person/sales clerk treats you is so obviously a ploy to get attention.  Especially when you follow it up with something like "I just can't take it, boo-hoo." 

What amazes me is that people respond to this in droves.  It's like a perfect hunting technique for an emotional predator.  "I don't know where I went wrong I can't take it."  then 53 answers of "Hang in there baby." complete with Kitten pictures.

And yet, post something serious about the world like the Julian Assange trial (for or against) or the fact that Israel continues its neocon attack on its neighbors and nothing, nada, zip.  Same with culture.  Give people out of the ordinary music, art or literature and no dice.  But, "I'm out of coffee and my pants are tight and I hate my neighbors who love alternative music."  and 74 responses to cheer you up. 

I hate it.  It's a hijack. 

Anyways that's it, that's what's on my mind.

P.S. If you think I'm talking directly about you (because this has happened before) the answer is probably not, but you should examine why you think that...really.

Really.

Very beautiful "Trout Heart Replica" artwork of charcoal/acrylic paint, by @FreyaChild in The Netherlands...

Incredible fan artwork to accompany the Amanda Fucking Palmer's song: "Trout Heart Replica" Which in and of itself is haunting and sad and beautiful and sad again...all at the same time.

Fixing Psychiatric Problems Caused by Stupid Psychiatric Articles

Oh wow, it's been eversolong since I wrote a blog.  I just now realized this.  Blogging, it has its rewards, like being able to say whatsoever I like and not even having to make sense, because it's mine.  The drawback being it takes time away from things that pay the bills and special projects that I love like a child and believe should exist like SUBVERSIFY.  That's another plus.  I can plug whatsoever I like here.  But really truly you should if you have not yet come by or back to Subversify.  We are always in a constant state of change and recently we have been having many very public discussions on just what should be printed there...whether or not it is "subversive."  That's the golden thing, we print whatever we want.  We can and do print all sides of an issue.  Even when our regular readers don't like it.  Which has been happening a bit lately.

We do this because we believe, wait that should be in caps BELIEVE with ALL OUR BEING that free speech is paramount.  Not just for what we think, not just for what you think, but for EVERYTHING!!! Which is why we also print conservative arguments like one recently on a policeman's perspective of riots in 1968.   We would actually print more conservative stuff if people were brave enough to have intelligent argument about it.  So far, not so much. 

Anyway, today I read something posted by someone I love that I completely disagree with and I have a bit of time so I thought a rebuttal would be fun. 

As some of you may or may not know my family is in the field of Social Work and psychotherapy.  We often have differences of opinions on practices, theories and what not.  Today, my partner posted this article on "Identifying Your Emotional Baggage."

You can read it for yourself to see how you feel about it, but it pissed me off.  I'm sure the author would think I was pissed off because of some childhood trauma/regret/blah, blah, blah....but I disagree so I'm going to break it down. 

Okay, so the author wants us to believe that we react to things sometimes without knowing why.  They provide the example: "At times, the level and intensity of a person’s reaction doesn’t match the level and intensity of the event. It’s completely normal and expected for children to lie at times. People who love each other forget about lunch dates, anniversaries, and birthdays. But sometimes things happen that feel much bigger than they really are."

Already, this seems like a badly written example to me.  If I am angry or frustrated because you forgot a lunch date it isn't because (as the author writes) I was disappointed as a child it is because you made a date with me.  You not only wasted my time which is valuable but you are telling me I am less important that whatever it is you are doing that made you not show up.  To me this seems like something that should be a big deal. 

We should value the people in our lives more than our work and incidental people.  If your work colleagues want you to miss lunch with your partner/mom/ kid to work on a project you should think about what is most important to you.  If it's a project you need to re-evaluate why you are in a relationship, because a relationship with a human being who supports you, will be there for you at the end of the day and the end of life seems to me like it should be the most important thing.  If it isn't to you, you shouldn't be in a relationship with me.  (Or you know...anyone else who feels that way.)  

A person should know enough about themselves to chose the life they want to lead.  I don't mean to say that nobody should view a project as more important.  Just that they should be aware of that when choosing people to walk the path of life with them.  This is how you avoid conflict, by knowing yourself and getting to know the values of others around you. 

The author of this article goes on to write about "Emotional Baggage" and how it gets in the way of our interactions blah, blah, blah.  Yes Baggage is unwieldy and anyone who has packed for a trip knows your baggage is 50% unnecessary.  We don't need baggage mostly.

But when we are disappointed because agreed upon behavior in relationships goes awry, that is not due to baggage.  In this person's example, it's due to someone being inconsiderate.  Pop psychology and easy to read articles on relationships would have us believe we should all blame a person's feeling and reactions on their past.  And this is great for this goal driven culture because that means we never have to slow down and consider how we are acting ( or not acting right now).

The author goes on ( as do magazine authors who don't live outside in the real world) to give 4 handy tips.  Here they are for you because I'm going to break them down:

The key to handling emotional baggage is to be able to identify it when it comes up. Here are some clues that your reaction may be more from your own emotional baggage then what is happening at the moment:

• You feel like your emotions are out of control and you can’t stop them. We all feel things intensely at times, but when it seems like your feelings are on a runaway train, it may be a sign that something more is going on beneath the surface.

• Other people express surprise or shock at the intensity of your reaction. In the moment it can be hard to tell if your behavior is normal or not. Sometimes asking trusted friends about it can be helpful.

• After things have calmed down, you feel like your reaction was too extreme for the situation. Often, time is all that’s needed to be able to look back and see things in a clearer, more realistic light.

• It feels as if the person you’re reacting to is behaving like someone from your past. If you think this idiot is acting just like my father, that’s a pretty good sign that your emotional baggage is involved

Okay,

1. You shouldn't "Stop" your emotions.  Your emotions are there to let you know something about yourself.  Like "Hey, I don't like being stood up."  Telling someone not to feel their emotions or that emotions are out of control is shaming them for feeling a natural thing.  FEEL what you FEEL .damn it! It's OK.  In fact not feeling and stuffing whatever they thing passes for a runaway train doesn't ever make those feeling go away.  It just adds them on to the end of some other list at another time.  So go ahead, look inward and embrace whatever you are feeling.
2. Other people are not you.  Who the fuck cares whether or not they are shocked by your reactions.  Maybe, just maybe they have never been given permission to feel themselves.  You really cannot give just anyone the power to tell you about your feelings.  They aren't you.  Also your behavior is normal, just maybe not their kind of normal.  Who cares?  Do you want to be somebody else?
3. After you have "calmed down" you have calmed the fuck down.  That's it, it's not an indicator of anything. You may have been filled with the most righteous of indignation, you will still calm the fuck down at some point and feel different.  That is because you cannot hold a single feeling forever, you're not designed for it.  Hopefully, you feel different because you didn't judge yourself and you allowed yourself to "feel" and it passed, it's over.  That does not mean your feelings in the moment were "unrealistic" stop judging yourself and maybe you won't be someone who judges others. 
4. If you feel as if the person you're reacting to is behaving like someone from your past....They just might be.  It might be true that you have someone on your hands that is not the right match for you.  It may be that they are in the wrong.  Certainly if you feel bad about anything you should take a look at that emotion and see if you can live with it because it's highly unlikely they are going to change.  Feeling like someone is from your past is not necessarily "baggage". 

The article finishes up with soothing statements.."baggage isn't your fault."  (meaning it's your fault  you're not fixing it) and you can be better gosh darn it!. 

I want to tell people they are better.  They are better every single second that they feel things. Embrace your feelings, figure out why you feel them and don't let anyone tell you your normal reasonable disappointments are due to your "baggage"  that is complete and utter bullshit. 

Also it happens to be the selling point for therapists.  Selling baggage keeps most therapists employed.  You are a very lucky person if you meet a therapist who  wants to move you through what is bothering you right now without digging out every life disappointment and (wrongly) applying it to why you don't finish that utterly stupid quilt project you started on two years ago. 

P.S. It's because you don't really care about quilting not because your mommy didn't tuck you in blah,blah,blah.

Jesus is My Co-Pilot

You've seen it on the bumper stickers of mini-vans and SUV's of soccer moms to the worn out Buicks of elderly Church Ladies.  They all claim Jesus as their co-pilot and I never even gave it a second thought really, until somebody made a stupid comment I think in jest, at least I hope so, that if we hadn't had so many alternative stickers on our vehicle and so many "colored" people inside we wouldn't have been hastled the other night by the police.

Here's the breakdown:

On the way home from the airport from picking up our daughter who is Black, Himself was pulled over.  In reality he had lost the game I play called "How long can I go without paying my licesening fee."  Actually, the fee had been paid and the sticker had not yet been put on.  So really it wasn't a big deal, until Himself couldn't find his way around my car.

Spilling paper and sundries out of my glovebox trying to find the registration (which btw, was right on top...just sayin...) out came everything but the kitchen sink into our daughters lap.  The real problem began when the female cop on her side of the car tapped on the window demanding to know what caplets were in the sandwich baggie. 

Okay, here's something about me.  I have everything in my car.  I mean everything, I have every first aid item ever needed and a lot nobody ever needs.  i have napkins and toilet paper and gas x, I have dramamine and oxygen (got that last time we went to Colorado) It's not a mess.  I know where and what everything is, but others could find it confusing as it's stuffed in all kinds of little drawers.

So the cop ( who was charactorized by Himself as a "rookie")  was on that baggie.  Baggies and caplets must be bad stuff right?  Especially apparently when they are in the lap of a young black woman who's with an older white male...who claims to be her dad. 

Well, Himself explains "they are some herbal stuff my wife has, probably, it's her car, yada yada."  Apparently that was the wrong thing to say, Herbal stuff is now code for something that requires a pat down.  It was in fact Colon Cleanse, super Colon Cleanse to be exact.  I told them later it would have been funny if they were dragged in and made to wait just to get an apologie about their backed up colons.  They didn't share my humor. 

They did manage to explain that "see, it doesn't smell,, see we aren't drunk or high and we are exactly  5 blocks from home and see the car is registered and got on their way." 

Now was this racial profiling?  I don't know.  It could have been an overzealous rookie.  It's been known to happen and they completely missed other questionable stuff that was in there as well. (not illegal mind, just more questionable than colon cleanse)

Anyhoo, it was suggested by some insensitive stupid person that if Jesus had been their co-pilot none of that would happen.  So I decided today on the return trip to do just that and made a paper Jesus and brought him along.  The rules were, no speed limit, as many colors of the rainbow as we could get in the van and offensive music.  Oh and a lot of questionable stuff stuffed in the glove box, hideyholes etc. 

So Jesus went on road trip with us.  It turns out Jesus while not judgemental in the least bit is pretty mouthy and has the sense of humor of a sixth grader.  Also, his musical tastes are those of an insane person, one minute he wanted glee covers and the next we were listening to Ice Cube, go figure...Jesus says Ice Cube is his homey....I asked how that could be, I'm pretty sure Ice Cube is riding with Muhammed.  But Jesus doesn't make those distinctions.  He says he knew him back in the day...and Muhammed too so they are all chill or whatever. 

I got tired of Glee covers way before Jesus did which led to him calling me intollerant.  Which led to an arguement and some swerving but guess what, even though we swerved right in front of cops it's true, Jesus was our co-pilot and we did not get pulled over. Yay!

So, Jesus got tired and cranky towards the end.  You can see it in his face in my pictures on Facebook.  Weird huh?  I didn't know he could look tired. 

I did ask  him about those bumper stickers.  To which he answered: "A bumper sticker is not a guarantee of my presence and actually I usually don't like car rides or people with those stickers."  He added , " You do know you are talking to a paper picture mock-up of me right?" 

Of course I did, but it was fun to ride with him anyway. 

He also said that in our town yes, it was racial profiling definately also it was anti-hippie profiling.  The herbal remedies mixed with our co-exist and peace and hamony stickers were like red flags for cops especially in the middle of the night when they were bored.  So be careful out there with your psyllium hulls and goldenseal or what have you. 

Or at least have a sense of humor. 

Jesus really recommends a sense of humor.

Song Saturday-It's been a long hard week and...Does Anyone Read Blogs Anymore?

Or maybe just not mine. 

Actually I know you do you just don't comment.  Is it because you have nothing to say?  Or because you're thinking...hmmm? 

Anyway, I noticed when I took my blog from social networking sites interaction on my blog-ishness dropped.  I'm a little sad about that, I liked hearing from people and  yet, the places I was before like Multiply, just became abandoned...ghost towns, castle gardens with aeolian harps.

"There is this thing that's like Talking except you don't Talk."- The Dresden Dolls

It's been a strange week.  Winter finally set in which I love.  I truly do it makes me feel warm and cozy.  It makes me want to bake and cook and create.  It makes me dream.  Real dreams that must be saved for stories. 

For some people it seems, it's harder and this week was like that.  As soon as the rain started the phone did to and in my real time life I found my time consumed with people who needed things.  Someone to talk to, a hand to grab so they wouldn't drown, sick people...all of that. 

It's not that I mind.  I just find it strange that just when I am feeling cheerful so many are not.

And it made me sad a bit. 

I found myself shoring up my shoulders a lot this week which while great and good ended up wearing me down, it was unexpected, this outpouring of need. 

Here's the thing...

I think people feel this way all or most of the time nowadays.  It just seems like it's harder to get by.  I find it hard to get by too.  A lot of people aren't ready to be in a world changing. 

Do you remember your grandparents talking about the prices of things and "How things used to be." ?  We may be the first generation that has experienced that in our own prime.  Or maybe it's just noticeable to us because we are living it, I don't know....Maybe.

I was told a story of my Grandfather who when about 40 suffered some depression.  He went into Lassen National Forrest for a month and explored.  He took the family but everyday he left camp and while my Great-Grandmum looked after the family letting his wife, my Grandmum know it would be okay.  He went into the forest to find himself again. 

The kids, my mum and uncles remember this a great time, they played and explored too.  My Grandmum who was one of the people who told me of it, was greatly afraid her husband would not come out of it. Hence the soothing of her mother-in-law.  She knew, men ( and women too) need time in places that heal them. 

He came out that summer healed and never was that bad again. He was pragmatic yes, but not depressed.  He ever after looked, really looked for good things. 

At least that's what I remember. 

Now I tell all of this because I think we do not go out into the forest enough today.  We do not take time for ourselves.  We have veryvery IMPORTANT things to do!  We think.

We have appointments, people need us, we cannot get away from our jobs because then how would things run?  We have family obligations and community ones too. 

All these things tend to fuck up our lives because we are going to blow.  Bet on it.  Usually we end up doing it in ways that are destructive to us and the ones we love.  We cheat.  Sexually yes, but not just that, we cheat each other and ourselves of time, money and each other.

We do all this and we don't take the necessary time to just care for ourselves.  I didn't mention it but my Grandfather ran a ranch at the time.  Ranches are just like all the other high pressure jobs out there, you need to be there, you need to do things on time to make a living. 

Thankfully his Mum told him to stop, his brothers and hands could manage it. 

Anyway whenever I see people struggling for hope, for joy, for release I think of that summer I wasn't alive for but heard so much about.  It ultimately helped my family all move forward. Everyone got something good and precious out of it. 

Take time when you are down.

Remember,  " There is thing keeping everyone's lungs and lips locked
It is called fear and it's seeing a great renaissance."-The Dresden Dolls

Don't be afraid .   Embrace what you need.  Even if just for the length of a song.  Just.....Sing.